Woman at the Garden

UNDERSTANDING THE NEED FOR VALIDATION

This will be vulnerable and maybe a little chaotic because this stream of thought was rapid and insightful

I struggle with external validation in the art space.

I think this is the first time that I’ve ever verbally expressed it out loud not only to myself but also as a teachable moment of what little slithers of myself are still needing to emerge from the shadows.

Now I am a very confident individual in my abilities and I’m not really struggling in terms of perception. I’m more so struggling with the idea that I know that I am an extremely talented person when it comes to art but I feel like I’m not getting the external traction that I need to take my craft to the next level.

80% of my waking moments are spent ideating and creating art and ways to market my art. The creation process comes rather naturally to me but the marketing part is still an area that I’m actively working to improve. Marketing feels like putting all my shit out on front street and opening myself to an array of unknown things. While also inviting others to look through the window of my creative process is a great way to create community, I have the perception that it is also a double edged sword because I’m inviting in feedback and criticism from others who don’t know me as well as I know me. I want people to feel moved by my artwork and to in turn validate themselves because as I’ve said repeatedly in multiple different ways; our journeys are unique to us individually. We may share a goal, a purpose, or an ideal as others both in and out of our immediate environment but the ways in which we pursue these desires can be significantly different. We have similar experiences but there are also very different on the infinitesimal level.

If you read this far and I have as well because this is bullet train of thoughts, I’ve mentioned all this to provide the gist that validation comes in both the external and internal ways and I don’t believe any is better than the other but rather there needs to be a balance between the two. What that balance looks like is up to you.

I’ve also come to realize that I should provide context to what spurred these raging thoughts on validation.

Story Time:

I had the briefest of interactions with an individual who I barely know. This individual saw a picture of me painting and decided to comment “..I see some skills there most definitely”.

If my head could have spun around on my shoulders, it most definitely would have.

Reflections:

My initial thoughts were who is this person to try to substantiate my skills? In complete honesty, it felt like this person was trying to humble me and I immediately thought to myself “Not only did I not ask if you see my skills but who are you to comment?”

This train of thought immediately made me want to question whether I was letting my ego in the front seat but that thinking evaporated fast as I reiterated to myself that this person does not know me.

But I thought why is it when external commentary appears that I push it to the side because it feels misplaced but when I’m alone with my thoughts, I’m almost wishing someone would comment on my work. There’s a duality to validation that I think needs to be in a very delicate balance. A balance that is very evidently different for each person. So I sit on it and give it more reflection.

More Reflections:

I think Kendrick Lamar’s “Man at the Garden” gave me the insight I needed. The lyrics of this song were a challenge for me to reflect on what I’ve done in my own practice to claim success and affirm myself why I “deserve it all”. And lo and behold, I FELT LIKE I DO DESERVE IT ALL. And I felt like I came a little closer to balancing the scales between internal and external validation by pondering my struggle with external validation. I’ll never be released of external validation because I want people to absorb my art and interpret it while also absorbing the story I’m trying to tell with each piece and back story.

We’re all navigating this thing called life right…

I explore a lot of modalities when it comes to an individual’s uniqueness and one of them that I am particularly fixated with right now is understanding your birth chart and the different houses in a chart. In my eyes, the chart is a map structured for you and easily accessible when you question whether or not you are losing your way or if you are in divine alignment with God and your soul’s purpose. It’s not the beginning nor the end but it is a tool given to us. I envision my birth chart as the opening thread that links together all the experiences and lessons I have learned and will learn. I only have to be willing to listen to God and my angels and spirits when called upon. I’ve discovered that my faith in myself has to be unshakeable so that when the desire for external validation comes knocking, my foundations are steady and rooted. I feel like that goes without saying but maybe it needs to be said ¯_(ツ)/¯. It’s necessary, so I never lose sight of what I want my art to convey. But also, so the desire for external validation never becomes my guiding principle.

Is this only happening to me?

So I ask, Are we all having the same internal conversations as artists? I hope that we can be more vulnerable about these topics because who doesn’t want to be successful. My hope is that my peers give more outpouring to show that all of us no matter what skill or level we are currently at in our journey, we are all trying to figure something out. We don’t have to wait until we master it because there is relatability and comfort in knowing someone is transversing a path that you are currently taking or will take. It’s the opening thread that encourages community. So I encourage us all to document these moments a little better (myself included) because we uplift each other when we share how we are all trying to figure shit out.